Building Up

I return to an attempt at regular writing already experiencing a problem of commitment. A few weeks ago, in thinking about where I had been a year earlier, I remembered the start of this blog. I started on the first day of August in 2008, which for me, at the time, was actually late at night on the 31st of July. I had been thinking about writing, thinking about what I wanted to write so much for those weeks leading up to that point that I couldn't wait.

Upon realizing this anniversary of my little journal's inception, I decided that would be as good a milestone as any to push me into writing again. I set out to begin writing again on that first day of August and, as with many ideas that I have on runs, I promtly forgot about it until now.

So, here I am. I'm a few days late, but a little late is better than never, right? Indeed.

Build-Ups.

August will be a month of build-ups, of escalations. Almost everything in my life is gaining intensity at what sometimes feels like an alarmingly fast rate.

The building up of mileage in running is a good model for almost all similar build-ups. When one begins to run more and more miles there are strange effects that the body and the mind can handle in different ways. Some of these results are relatively predictable and similarly easy to deal with. As you run more miles, you eat more. As you run more miles, you sleep more. The list goes on.

However, something remarkable happens after a week or even a few days. What was an increase becomes the norm. Your body has a wonderful way of adapting to stresses, especially for a youthful soul such as myself. Before you realize it, the same intensity that was stressing your body to the max a few weeks ago is just another commonplace, daily activity.

All of this for what? Why the stress and the increase and the fighting against yourself? It's simple: we're working towards that catalyst. In running, your looking for that workout that tells you that you're a runner again, that you're in great shape. A build-up is the stress that lies in the fore-shadow of catalysm.

So, August. August is September's introduction, warm-up, opening band (depending on your metaphor). It's that anticipation throughout the month that makes everything seem so much more intense.

I have a feeling that this August will be particularly intense for me. One of the largest changes in any young person's life, moving out of the house (and into college in my case) is only a month away.

I feel like I should write a bit about the last few months, not that anyone is reading this, but it's nice to look back on myself later. Let me work month by month from when I last wrote:

February: I spent the entire month living with my grandparents in Florida. Running was going great; I won every race I entered and built a large base of miles for the spring racing season. They were lonely times for me, though. I missed the human interaction of being around my peers.

March: I was set to leave Florida at the beginning of this month with my parents. What began as a quick visit from my parents ended up being a week long stay for all of us as my grandmother suffered a series of strokes. As things cooled down, my father and I drove from Florida to Virginia for Phish's first concert in nearly 5 years. We then returned home and I spent a week or so in New Mexico hiking and running with Anna. Near the end of the month, Anna and I broke up. More on this later.

April: April is the cruelest of the months. Although broken up Anna and I continued to talk and act relatively civil to each other. It seemed clear that our friendship would last beyond our relationship. After a few weeks, however, I found out that she had been acting with inappropriate duplicity, had lied to me directly about it, and refused to take any responsibility for her actions. That was the last time we spoke regularly. My running was going okay, but I found myself in a rut in terms of racing. I was running about the same times, which were pretty mediocre, and showing little improvement. After searching for a job for a few weeks, I found myself working at Wendy's, the only establishment that would hire me at the time. Between my social problems, my terrible job, and my poor running performances, I found myself very depressed and alone.

May: May was when things started to change. I quit my job at Wendy's and started doing IT work for triple the pay. People started coming home from college and I found myself being more social. I spent a few weekends visiting my brother at Dartmouth where I had a few very memorable nights. Near the end of the month, I finally had my break-out race at the USATF Grand Prix 12k. I started running faster in workouts and was feeling great about the summer and my last few races.

June: June started on a down note as I was injured just a few days before one of my last races. What I thought was at first a stress fracture of the fibula ended up being some nasty tendonitis around my ankle. I was on crutches for a few weeks but once I was accurately diagnosed and taking ibuprofen, I improved very quickly. Duncan and I went camping in the white mountains for a few days. By the end of the month, I had started minimal running again.

July: In picking out my classes for Skidmore in the fall, I somehow ended up taking a 6 week summer course at UMass Lowell in an effort to place out of more classes. I continued running and increasing my mileage at a frustratingly slow pace. I often found myself surrounded by people that I love. The sun seemed to shine brighter.

August: What will August hold? I imagine an increase in intensity. All of the emotions and practicalities of moving out come to the forefront as there are less and less days for me to not think about it.

For now, I'm just trying to enjoy it. I'm trying to enjoy the people, the places, the sights and smells. Hopefully, that will leave me in a place where change is welcome, not needed or feared.